In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
