Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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