I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
