I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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