There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
