Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
