We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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