redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
