I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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