I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
