it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
