your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Randomize
