When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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