I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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