This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
