paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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