Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
