If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
