Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
