Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
