I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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