After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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