I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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