I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
