gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
