i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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