Sponge bath it is.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
