so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize