I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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