What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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