drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
