K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's blow job season.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
