also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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