Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
