when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
