Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
