3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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