Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
