dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
