sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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