dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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