I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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