I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
