I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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