i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry about my life...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
