I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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