It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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