well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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