ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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