Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hippo gnu deer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
