He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
