We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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