I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
