As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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