I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
