My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
