it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
