He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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