I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
