google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
why is half of my head shaved?
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