I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
love makes seman taste better
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
