i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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