are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
