Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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