he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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