So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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