it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
